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[choicely]

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[choicely]

So death, then, or pre-birth?

[princess_of_ida]

Techically both. The first time, at least.

[choicely]

That would seem to imply many more times beyond a first one.

[princess_of_ida]

You could say that. But again, that depends on your definition of death.

What is yours?

[choicely]

I suppose I've always thought of it as more of a ceasing to exist. Not having any particular memories or thoughts. Perhaps not even knowing you've died in the first place.

[princess_of_ida]

You don't subscribe to the idea of an afterlife for the soul?

[choicely]

Not unless I ever found myself in one. It's a lot to put on blind faith otherwise.

[princess_of_ida]

What of those of us that know the path of the soul after death and that there is the River Beyond?

[choicely]

Does such a place exist in every world?

[princess_of_ida]

They are all connected or we all wouldn't be here. That makes me believe the River runs through then all. It just may be harder to reach than in others.

But that's more philosophical than I care to get into. I'm not taking about an afterlife anyway, but the place between death and it. That beautiful silence.

Have you ever had what some call a 'near death experience'?

cw: reference to previous suicide attempt

[choicely]

That would explain it. There are some realms that even the most powerful sorcerers aren't capable of reaching, even if it's been written down in records that were nearly lost to time.

Once that vividly comes to mind. [ she won't mention that it had been by her own hand, not yet at least. ]

[princess_of_ida]

Tell me about it.

How did it happen? How long were you gone? What did it feel like from loss to return? What did you see?

[choicely]

In terms of the actual memories, those are faint. It was a long time ago, before I made my ascent to sorceress. My existence at the time was cruel enough that I felt as though I no longer had the will to live.

If I died, it was slowly, like falling asleep or losing consciousness. When I awoke, it was to my wrists aching and wrapped in bandages, my rectoress standing over me preparing to scold me for being late to first lessons. I have no true recollection of the in-between.

cw: flatlining

[princess_of_ida]

[That was disappointing, but perhaps it was due to a lack of apopneumatic shock. When the body passes slow, the soul transitions without consequence and likely without awareness until a Speaker of the Dead recalled it.]

Your awareness now is far beyond what you would have had then. If you wish to experience it, as I have, I can take you there and ensure you return before your soul snaps its tether. A few minutes - no more.

[choicely]

Much as I appreciate the offer, I'm not as eager to venture into the space between life and death as you seem to be.

Should I take it you're somewhere similar now? [ instead of the two of them having this conversation face to face. ]

[princess_of_ida]

No, just wishing for the quiet.

I'm trudging through the forest toward the Void with the rest of the expedition. I'm incredibly tired of the buzzing in my head. I spent a month and a half with this; I'm not enjoying reliving it.

[choicely]

Do conversations like this help?

[ or do they only add to the noise, in other words?

she's tempted to ask about the morale of the expedition, but she doesn't; that question drifts across anyway, more of an impression of concern than anything posed outright. ]

[princess_of_ida]

Yeah. They show me to direct my thoughts to where I want to direct them, as opposed to where the Void wants them. The buzzing is so there, the urges are, but I can almost ignore them.

The Void posseses some form if sentience, by the way.

[choicely]

Is it even possible to discern the Void through our own consciousness, or is it too powerful to really be interpreted?

Regardless, getting close enough to sustain some kind of consequence, physical OR mental, feels unwise. [ it's why she had firmly informed the duchess's messenger that she wouldn't be going on the trip, not willing to risk herself for someone she swears no loyalties to. ]

[princess_of_ida]

I guess we'll find out. Assuming we get there; it's actively trying to stop us.

And unwise as it may be, we push ahead. At least we know what to expect. I'm sure some people will peel off and return, but I suspect most won't.

[choicely]

That's less of a surprise, although I'd be warier if the path was made smooth in any significant way.

Already starting to show some cracks in their heroic facade, are they?

[princess_of_ida]

The hubris would be funny if it didn't come with monsters.

No, wait. It's still funny.

[choicely]

And if the group's efforts fail?

[princess_of_ida]

The hubris will still be funny.

I'm not expecting us to be successful; if we do it'll be through dumb luck. Which is why I'm not going as myself into the fucking Void itself.

[choicely]

So you'll let yourself transform again.